Bad Mood...

I'm in the worst mood ever today and I really don't know exactly why....it's probably a mix of things like the weather, boring classes, missing my family, Audrey transferring, stupid crushes and finding out things about friends you didn't want to find out, because it makes stuff kinda awkward

Since I hate being in a bad mood I'll just listen to some music like cool European music and thinking about this quote and hope it's gonna put me in a better mood:

Each dewdrop and
raindrop has a whole
heaven in it.
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Relationships....

A rather interesting topic....relationships with your friends, roomates, boy/girlfriend, family and crushes. My sister called me today and said that she is totally exited to see me over spring break and that she misses me. Once again I got this warm fuzzy feeling in my tummy because I love her and my family so much....whenever I'm around them everything is alright and I feel totally comfortable because I can be completely myself. I never worry what they may think about me like I do with almost everybody else except for my best friends. Isn't it funny how one is always trying to make the best first impression on people and constantly worries about what they think about you but then as the relationship grows you just don't care anymore, because you know your friends, roommates accept you for who you are. I always worry....always worry about how other people see me. I don't even know why....I just do. Especially when I meet new people. About 4 weeks ago I just meet the majority of all my climbing buddies and starting hanging out with them more. But I still worry about what they think about me. I always feel like I have to live up to a certain standard, which of course is completely stupid. It's especially bad when I have a crush on someone. Hmmm, crushes are a very interesting topic...and I'll leave it at that, cause I don't like it when people know who I have a crush on. :) Anyways, some upbeat news for a change, I just talked to my sister on the phone for like 1.5 hours and I'm excited to go home for spring break....yeah....I love my familly

On Life...

Why does life have to be so complicated?



*shrug* I'll ponder that later....

Fun Weekend

I had fun again this weekend. Girls Poker Night was fun, especially since I won. :) Climbing in Last Chance was awesome except for the fact that it snowed there and the temperature was like 10 Fahrenheit or so. Good thing that I got to sleep in the truck. :) Especially with those Hurricane like winds. Climbing trips are just awesome. Getting out of Lubbock, being outdoors all day, climbing with some awesome friends. You are always pretty exhausted when you get back, but you are in an awesome mood and then your roomie who is one of your best friends tells you she signed the lease for her apartment in San Marcos for next fall. :( That's never good. But anyways Audrey and I are gonna have some awesome times for the rest of the semester, just like we do all the time. Running errands, eating at cool places, getting our hair cut...and so on. Love you Audrey....

Interesting Day

Today was a rather interesting day. My classes this morning were a complete bore. Then I had lunch with Jen during which we both were totally out of it and sat at two different tables which were right next to each other. That was kinda funny. Then I had Intermediate Lab for the first time this semester. Yes for the first time since the middle of january. So I walk in and our prof kinda goes....ok, all you are gonna have to do is spectroscopy, you have got this mechanical chopper, this monochrometer and this thing, this FDP, this PTR and whatever....y'all are gonna have to do some research on that. Great, this lab should be very interesting, I'll probably know the library back to front and back by the time I'm through with this class. But it most definitely will actually help me become a better scientist, cause I'm gonna have to make up my own labs some time in the future....We'll see how that works out. :) So around 5ish I went climbing for a bit before the SWE meeting and then I went climbing again..........and now I'm sore. But it will all be good by Saturday when we leave for Last Chance. Climbing outdoors is by far my favorite thing right now. I just enjoy being outside so much and climbing and hanging will all of the guys....and yoga and snow and....food. Food is always good. I should probably bust out the German Chocolate I have in the fridge. And sore backs are not good at all, I should probably do some more Yoga this weekend. Today just kinda fixed my back temporarly....lol, it was funny how Audrey just kinda chuckled when she walked in the door and saw me saying hello to the sun....anyway I'm off to bed, cause meditating today just made me kinda tired, which it is not supposed to do....somehow I'm not getting anywhere with that....I'm just not focused at all....my mind just keeps on wandering.....maybe some sleep will do. Good thing that spring break is just 2 weeks away.....anyway my bed is calling....

It's snowing again...yay....:)

Lubbock weather is crazy.....over the last 12 days it just changed so much. First we had snow on Valentine's weekend, then we had warm sunny days til wednesday, then a dust storm, then two rainy days and now snow again.....wow. The only thing we are missing would be hail and hurricanes. Kinda cool...the weather always has a surprise for you up here.

The Phantom of the Opera is such an awesome musical.....It automatically puts you in a better mood....

It's rainy and I'm sleepy
And it's a monday......crappy combination...

Anyway I had fun this weekend in Palo Duro. S'mores are always good and climbing is even better....Not getting enough sleep and still staying up til 2 am is not good. This weekend completely wore me out....It's most definitely time for spring break to refuel. I'm gonna be going home, to simply sleep, relax and read books.....

As I was walking to class this morning everything seemed really surreal. I know it is b/c I didn't get much sleep but everything was just so weird. And what's up with the weather being all summery today. I know it's just the Lubbock weather but it just adds to the strangeness of things. But the strangest thing happend on my way to the dining hall at lunch today. As I turned around the final corner in the hallway the thought of how complex life really is popped into my head. I mean if you really think about it...just take one day out of your life.....just one day out of the about 30,000 days (if you live to be 82).....and now think about what you did during that day.....count every little thing....from doing a puzzle online, reading a flyer in the hallway, saying hello to the lunch lady to looking up online if there actually is a difference between table tennis and ping pong (btw there isn't a difference). Now think about all the people you walk by, smile at, think about or talk to....all of them not just your roomie or mom but all of them and then think about the relationships you have with every single one of them....how did those relationships start, grow and change....how many new ones are there and how many old ones have fallen apart....I mean just think about all your teachers you ever had from kindergarten til now, those are already quite a lot and then just add all your classmates and then think about all the things you ever did with them.....from snowball fights to waiting for the bus together.....just think about all the snowballfights you already had in your life or for all of you Texans how many times you have been swimming.....think about all the pictures in your room and all the memories, days, activities, people connected to just one of those pictures....just one of them....when and where you took that picture, where you got them developed and who you looked at the pictures with....right now I'm sitting at my desk looking at all the stuff on just my desk alone....chapsticks I got at the climbing comp, calculator I just bought a couple of week ago, kleenex imported from Germany, picture of my lil bro Alex, scholarship application I filled out halfway and so on.......what ever happenend to those days when you were alone, sitting in a cave with bow and arrow and just one set of clothing (jk).....but life truly is complex......I can't even look out the window at that blue Ford Explorer without thinking about all the people I know that drive one of those and without wondering why that person is parked in backwards and why Explorers use so much gas.....ok, I'm thinking way to much about this.....but it is just really amazing....life is so complex and so beautiful.....:)

This is my most favorite quote in the entire world.....

"You're existence is enough to make at least one person happy."

Maybe this is finally it for Freezerburn. I caught him floating on his side twice today...his tumor is just getting to big and ii is weighing him down. From what I can tell he probably has less than a week to live. :(

I just read over my previous journal entries and i can't believe that all that stuff that I wrote about just happened last fall. It was only a couple of month ago and it already seems like ages ago. It is also rather interesting because one can actually see things changing and see things that stay the same by reading old entries. Hmm...just a random thought of mine.

SNOOOOOOW

Wow, I'm incredibly happy right now....really happy. Snow just rocks my socks off. It really does. Watching the snow fall, catching snowflakes in your mouth, forming snowballs with your bare hands until they go numb, getting a couple of awesome shots (for which I deserve to get some points :) ), getting back inside and warming up and getting all cozy, being reminded of some awesome times in my childhood. Good times.....good times. Snow, Nature, Life is just soooo beautiful. I can't get enough of life right now.

My Mama sent me some German chocolate for V-Day (Singles Awareness Day). She is just the sweetest in the world and I love her sooo much. I just hope she is getting better pretty soon. She is still pretty weak form the pneumonia. I wish I could be there but I know that my awesome Papa, Sis and Bro are taking care of her. I just love them...I love them all. My family, my friends....my bed cause I'm getting dang tired. I should probably go to bed, but I think I'm gonna stay up for a little longer to make sure Andrew gets in ok. Driving all the way from Austin to Lubbock in the snow. I wish a guy would do that for me once...anyway going to bed now so I can be fresh for the climbing comp tomorrow. I'm really excited about that...I love hanging out with my climbing buddies...and climbing....and life.

My opinions, my beliefs....so please don't get offended.

I totally agree with this guy....

The Buddha, like modern sociologists and psychologists, believed that religious ideas and especially the god idea have their origins in fear. The Buddha says:

Gripped by fear people go to sacred mountains, sacred groves, sacred trees and shrines.

We don't believe in a god because we believe in humanity. We believe that each human being is precious and important, that all have the potential to develop into a Buddha - a perfected human being. We believe that humans can outgrow ignorance and irrationality and see things as they really are. We believe that hatred, anger, spite and jealousy can be replaced by love, patience, generosity and kindness. We believe that all this is within the grasp of each person if they make the effort, guided and supported by fellow Buddhists and inspired by the example of the Buddha. As the Buddha says:

No one saves us but ourselves, No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path, but Buddhas clearly show the way.

~ Ven S. Dhammika

I hung out with Laura and Lauren tonite and we went to Underground at the Wesley Foundation. Remembering the last time I went to Paradigm I was afraid I was going to get all confused and messed up on the whole religion thing again. But to my surprise I did not. I walked in there with a pretty open mind and I learned a lot. Mainly that you can go to a Christian praise and worship even if you are a Buddhist and still get a lot out of it. I probably won't do it every Thursday but going every so often to Underground or Paradigm might be a really good thing. Yes, there were quite a few things I disagreed with and that strengthened my belief in Buddhism even more but it helped me understand Christianity a little bit better as well. I also realized that praying is not just a Christian thing. Yes, I might not pray to God but I can still pray. Praying that my mom will have the strength to get better and quit smoking so she doesn't get pneumomia anymore and praying that my awesome roomie is going to be able to make her decision and be happy with that decision and the place she is going to end up at and praying that I will be able to find true and complete happiness, because that is the purpose of our lives....to be happy. :)

This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.

We have to adopt a wider perspective, and always find common things between the people of north, east, south, and west. Conflict comes from the basis of differencs.

Freedom is the real source of human happiness and creativity. Irrespective of whether you are a believer or nonbeliever, whether Buddhist, Christian, or Jew, the important thing is to be a good human being.

His Holiness
the Dalai Lama

I finally started meditating again....I haven't done it in a while and the other day one of my climbing buddies told me he meditated for an hour the other day and I realized that I'm still at the beginning.....the beginning of my meditation practices....the beginning of my spiritual journey towards finding myself.....the beginning of enlightenment... it is going to be a long slow journey but I'll get there eventually....

Meditation does not come easily. A Beautiful tree grows slowly. One must wait for the blossom, the ripening of the fruit and the ultimate taste. The blossom of meditation is an expressible peace that permeates the entire being. Its fruit ....is indescribable." Swami Vishnu-Devananda

It snowed......! I think that's all I have to say. Right now I'm the happiest person ever....snow, climbing, friends, family.....what more could you possibly want?

Awesome Weekend

Hueco was sooo much fun. Even though I didn't climb much, it was still cool. It's just so beautiful down there. Really quiet and relaxing. I could have just sat there on the mountains and meditated the entire day. It truly is a special place. And the climbing most definitely is some of the best in the world. Just watching the guys do some really crazy stuff was amazing. Hanging of 60ft cliffs, falling head first, setting new routes, climbing til your finger tips and nails start bleeding, waking up in the middle of the desert with frost on your sleeping bag, great and sometimes stupid arguements with science and philosophy majors, being really sore......awesome times, really awesome times :)

I came once to sit on Cold Mountain
And lingered here for thirty years.
I divined and chose a distant place to dwell
T’ien T’ai: What more is there to say?
Monkeys cry where valley mists are cold
My grass gate blends with the colour of the crags
I pick leaves to thatch a hut among the pines
Scoop out a pond and lead a runnel from the spring
By now I am used to doing without the world
Picking ferns, I pass the years that are left.
Cold cliffs; more beautiful the deeper you enter
Yet no-one travels the road.
White clouds idle about the tall crags;
On the green peak a single monkey wails
What other companions do I need?
I grow old doing as I please.
Those face and form alter with the years
I hold fast to the pearl of the mind.
Wise men, you have cast me aside.
Fools I do the same to you.
I would be neither wise man nor fool;
From now on, let us hear no more from each other.
When night comes I sing to the bright moon;
At dawn, I dance with white clouds.
How could I still my voice and my hands
And sit stiff as a stick with my grey hair rumpled.

Lib's profile dedicated to me....:) Isn't that awesome?

stretch marks!
"I wish I could be a baby again, cuz I was much cuter then" ~Anika

Bumper Stickers

Random Tought of the Week
(dedicated to Amy Cannon - Survivor Lubbock, Texas)

The other day Audrey and I were on our way to Wally World when we stopped behind this Jeep at the traffic light on 4th and Indiana. The Jeep had bumper stickers all over it and of course we were reading all of them. There were a couple of Double T stickers and a 5 ft long mullet sticker. Then we saw an ETSU alumni sticker and of course started wondering what in the world ETSU stands for. We kept on examining the bumper stickers and found a Bucs Baseball one. Audrey's and my awesome sport knowledge couldn't help us out on this one. After looking even more closly we saw the words East Tennesse State written on the Bucs sticker. So we finally determined what ETSU meant. While we were wondering why the guy has both Tech and ETSU stickers on his car, we came across a TTU Graduate School Biomedical something sticker. It struck us that this guy came to Tech for graduate school. We discovered our final piece of evidence. An ETSU student parking sticker.......from 2003. Our genius minds put it all together and we reached the conclusion that this guy in the Jeep in front of us went to East Tennesee State University, likes baseball and 5 ft mullets and came to Tech's graduate school just last year for biomedical stuff. Isn't it amazing how much bumper stickers tell about you?

ON EXTRA SENSORY
PERCEPTION NETWORK:

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Reporter: You and your teammate work really well together.

Basketball star Magic Johnson: Yes, it’s almost like we have ESPN.