Only 1:30

It's only 1:30 and I already had an interesting day. I failed my E&M exam at 11 this morning. Discovering only 5 minutes before the exam that I had left my homework that was due today at home didn't help much either. After that in my communications class I find out that only the rough draft was due today. At least I have the paper done now. Then when I drove back to campus to turn in my homework all these crazy Lubbock drivers and pedestrians are just set on getting me in another accident. Being really tired didn't help much either. So I'm not gonna leave the house except to go climbing today. I can't really go anywhere anyway because I'll be doing all this homework that is due tomorrow.

Treib mich weiter, gib mir meine Hoffnung zurueck....

As I was driving over to Lib's house today. I was listening to my favorite German band Pur. This song in particular I thought fitted very well. I'm trying to find a translation for it, but of course even if I do it's just not gonna sound and mean the same. It's basically about complacency and lack of motivation. Something that I'm really lacking right now. As I was doing my physics homework today aka copying my physics homework I realized once again that I'm really lacking my movtivation. I didn't even want to try. I think it's mainly burn out cause this is already my fifth semester. Another thing is that during the spring semester I learned how to get by, get good grades and have tons of fun at the same time. Now this semester it's not working out anymore cause my classes got a lot more difficult. I'm also expecting that I will do good and that everything will work out, because that's what has always happened in my life. I never had to work extremly hard to get something. So now when that doesn't happend it's extremly discouraging. And for some reason this is not making any sense. It's in my head anyways and that's all that matters. Anyway, I'm gonna get off the computer and hang out with Lib and Denis some more.


Warum hast Du sie verlassen und verläßt Du auch noch mich
sie hasten durch die Straßen und verlieren ihr Gesicht.

Sie sind bequem, gefügig, schlafwandeln durch die Korridore
nur noch Brot und Spiele, ist das wirklich schon genug ?

Ist der Weg zu weit
jedes In- und Aus sich egh´n verlorne Zeit.

Auf meiner Reise gab es wirklich viel zu seh´n
Hab´ vermutlich bei der Eile glatt die Hälfte überseh´n.

Und die schnell erreichte Ziele machen träge, satt
das Blut wird müde. Wo ist die Windmühle, gegen die ich kämpfen kann ?

Sag mir wie, nicht wann
Sag mir, was ich wirklich kann

Mächtig viel Theater, tief drin im Labyrinth
abseits der irren Wege, die vorgezeichnet sind, oh Bitte

Treib mich weiter
Gib mir meine Hoffnung zurück
Führ mich in Versuchung und hilf mir
Zeig mir mehr als billiges Glück

All die Tiere folgen dem Instinkt
fraglich, was die Menschheit unserer Mutter Erde bringt.

Ein großes Segen-Fluch-Getriebe
voller Lust und Liebe, Leid und Lüge
wenn ich mich betrüge, betrüg ich dann auch Dich ?

halt den Atem an
frag mich bitte nicht wie lang

Die Wahl der Qual ist schwierig, wie hätten sie´s denn gern ?
Bin ich nur ein Stückchen Schale allein weit ab vom Kern ?

Treib mich weiter ...

Manchmal hör´ ich seltsame Lieder, die hin und wieder
in mir drin das Weiter suchen

Es klingt nach oben, es klingt nach vorn
Ich hab´ die Gabe - zum Glück - noch nicht verlor´n

Treib mich weiter ....

It's going to be a long day today, but that's ok since most of my days are gonna be like that until finals. But right after finals I get to go skiing with my family in Winterpark, CO and then it's off to LCT. I have no clue where we are going to go for that one. Looks like I'm gonna have an exciting break. Wohooo, I can't wait. I'm extremely tired of school. Papers and exams are just not fun. But what can you do? Otherwise nothing interesting has happened since the last post. Oh wait, I did get a rental car so that I don't have to bum rides. It's a Grand Am so nothing special like Heath's Dodge Minivan. I would have loved that car cause my friends already call me Soccer Mom. Hihi, anyway I'm off to take a shower and let the day begin.

Sometimes the wind speaks to me.
I am the wind when it speaks to me.
As I am walking,
no longer do I know time.
For the sound sounds the same
as it has always been.

Oh!
What bliss!
Self -
No more.
Time -
Don't know!

Only Truth, Truth, Truth.

-Seasmile

My poor car

On my way to class yesterday afternoon I'm about to turn right onto Brownfield Highway from 19th Street when I noticed a red truck in front of me. I think to myself you better slow down otherwise you are gonna do the same thing Sandee did and rear-end the truck. Because we have to yield both the truck and I are stopped, I look left and behind me to check the traffic and see no car coming and gun it. The only problem is the car in front of me hadn't moved yet. And since his bumper is at the height of my hood it totally smashed my right light, scrunches up the hood and cracks the radiator completely. The steering is messed up too and who knows what else. My car got towed in today to be fixed and luckily the insurance pays for all of it except the deductible. And right now I want nothing more but to be 21. Cause if I would be I could get a free rental car but since I'm not 21 that doesn't work and I'm gonna be bumming rides of everybody for the next week or so. It's noting really new, it's not like I haven't done that for the first two years up here at college. :)

Cancelled Class

I was runnning late to Thermo again this morning. Luckily Thermo was cancelled, so that's why I'm sitting in the ME lab right now doing nothing. Ugh, I want my motivation back....right now. Anyway I think I'm gonna play some games, then read magazines in my Mechanics class, then do Mechanics hw and I will get it done today and if that's the only thing i will get accomplished, then materials, SWE meeting, Paradigm and hanging out. Sounds like a fun day. Btw I finally got my Travel Letter which means I can actually leave this country and get back in. Wohoo. Otherwise life is great, I miss my friends and that's about it. Later

No Motivation

I have plenty of homework to do before I leave this friday to go climbing and I probably should start studying for my exams next week and work out some more and start thinking about what I'm gonna get my family for christmas and the list goes on and on and.... I don't wanna do any of it. All my motivation is gone. So I guess I can wait til it comes back or I can just get my act together and start working off my to do list. Later

Some friends have visions or dreams of the Buddha,
where He is all magnificent,
smiling, beckoning…

But what would you do if you see the Buddha in person?
After bowing, paying respect?
Do you just gaze on in a daze of amazement?
Do you just bask in His glory?

Truth is,
if you do not ask for the Dharma,
you are not a true Buddhist, not a Truth-seeker;
you are merely a Buddha worshipper.

This is the title.... :)

Mulan just has to be about the best Disney movie ever besides Finding Nemo of course. I just love that movie, and it's especially good when you are procrastinating. Motivation this semester is just lacking but only about 5 more weeks or so and then I get to go skiing with my wonderful family and just chilling down in Lake Jackson without any snow. Oh man the snow yesterday and today just made me so happy. I didn't have a snowball fight or built a snowman but I still love the snow. Ok, I probably should be going to bed cause I have a long day tomorrow of class, Wiley's Way, exam, physics hw and then probably Daybreak. Anyway, good night peeps and I love y'all even if I haven't talked to you in forever.

Once again I love life.

Hueco was a blast this weekend. I love that place. It's so incredibly beautiful and inspiring. And I finally sent "Nobody gets out of here alive" which is only about the most gorgeous problem out there. Oh man, I should change my major to premed and then go to Tech's Medical School in El Paso just so I can go climbing there all the time. The sunsets and the moonrises are just incredible and I swear the sky is ten times bluer than in Lubbock. This was just exactly what I needed for a break. I feel so much better, so much more inspired now. Life is just so beautiful. And showers are too, that's why I'm gonna take one now.

Be careful of how you perceive,
of how you interpret the world.
Because your world is exactly the way you perceive it!

The world is your perception.
You personally endorse
each and every one of your delusional perceptions.
You live and die by them!

Late....

It definitely about 1:17 am on a Tuesday night, which is rather unusual for me. It's not that unusual to about half of my friends, whom I do miss terribly btw, but I should be sleeping by now. This week is finally not busy anymore. I actually got to climb today and then I had training for Wiley's Way which is just an amazing outreach program. It's gonna be fun. This weekend I'll be out of town climbing. Finally....since the last trip I took was Labor Day Weekend. I can't wait. I miss being outdoors sooooo much. (BTW the moon is absolutly gorgous tonite.) This weekend is going to be fun. I truly need to get out of Lubbock badly right now. There has been just too much stress and too many worries about school but mainly about my friends. And there has been quite a couple of dissappointments. So a change of scenery is much needed. Ok, bedtime since it is 1:26 am now. Good night my friends.

Awesome Quotes, cause they won't fit on my profile

I have gotten to love this one website called "The Daily enlightenment." It has simple reflections for each day. It's awesome cause these will actually make you think. So I'm just putting a couple on here since they won't fit on my profile.

The Truth cannot be conceived.
It can only be experienced.
Do not think you can think of the Truth.
All you can do is see it.

The Buddha did not imagine or concoct the Truth;
He saw it.

Thus, in meditation,
do not think, just see.
Meditation in the end is just two things -
stilling your mind so that you can look at it so clearly,
that you realize the naked Truth about everything.

Once you think about the Truth,
it is just a thought about it,
not Truth itself.

When you seek Truth like a thing,
all you get are traces of it,
but not it.



Treasure everything you have in the moment,
because it is only here in the moment.

Be unattached to everything you have in the moment,
because it is only here in the moment.

Balance these in the moment
and you are on the Middle Path.

This one is especially good because it is about desires and I have talked to a bunch of people about it while we discussed religion.

Any desire that leads
to undesirable effects
or to more desires
is undesirable.

The only desire that leads
to the totally desirable,
to the end of all desires,
is the aspiration for Enlightenment.
And even that has to be let go of in good time.

~The Daily enlightenment

I love life

I finally got to see everybody again today, which made me so happy. After being busy for about the last 2 to 3 weeks I really needed this. Of course I wish I would have had the chance to talk to certain people some more and actually have a good conversation with them and not just say hi. But eh what do you expect, I just have too many friends. J/k. I love my friends and I love life. I have a physics exam on Monday, which is gonna kick my butt, but I'm not gonna worry about it until Sunday. And that's when I'm gonna wake up and cry. Paradigm was fun today. I really missed it for some reason even though the only time I ever went I ended up crying because I was so confused. Today it just made me really happy. I was just in the mood to sing at the top of my lungs (offkey of course since I'm not musically talented). Afterwards Laura ask me a really good question though. The simple question was "Did you really mean what you were singing?" and the simple answer would be "I don't know!" And that's my answer and it doesn't confuse me, which is the good thing. Geez, I love life, it's just so beautiful. And you don't really have to believe in God to appreciate all the beauty that surrounds us at every moment, Danny. Anyways, I love sleep just as much as I love life. Therefore I shall go to bed now and not pull allnighters like about 70% of my friends. Love y'all guys. Nighty Night

I'm back

I'm back from conference...Milwaukee was fun...dreams are weird...my SWE girls are the best...American Airlines sucks...and I'm gonna be busy as crap for the next two weeks...

My mom rocks my socks off

Today has been a soso day but then my mom totally made my day. She actually sent me a care packet with a bunch of German food including chocolate which I needed desperately because my supply was running low. My mom is simply the greatest. Funny part is my mom also knows my cooking habits, because she even send me cooking instructions. I'm really not that bad of a cook. Anyways I gotta get back to tons of stuff that I have to get done before conference. I will be leaving at 4 on Wednesday to go to the National Society of Women Engineers Conference in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. It is gonna be freezing but it will be tons of fun. I'll be back late Sunday. Since my phone isn't nationwide, I'll talk to everyone when I get back. Oh and thanks to all of my awesome friends that left comments in response to my last post and the ones that didn't. I love y'all bunches. Laters...

Life and death are of supreme
importance.
Time swiftly passes by and opportunity
is lost.
Each of us should strive to awaken.
Awaken. Take heed, do not squander
your life.
~EVENING CHANT

Bad Bad Day

It all started last night as I was about to go to sleep. I was not in a very good mood and felt quite unhappy. I thought to myself, just go to sleep, tomorrow is another day and you'll feel better just as always. And then it hit me that to be honest I haven't been that happy in a while. I always thought I was but when I really think about it I'm not. I know this sounds really depressing, but the positive thing is I know why I'm unhappy. For one there is a certain feeling I have to get rid off and two the all to common spiritual void. One is gonna be tough and two is gonna be even thougher. I know that finding God is not an easy thing to do, but it is still easier in this environment with a lot of people that think the same way and can help you out. Struggling through this by yourself just makes it so much thougher. I know that's not an excuse, but I just wish somebody would be here to help me with this. It is just gonna take a whole lot of determination and right now I'm simply lacking that. I have been such a slacker this semester. I'm somehow not motivated at all. The good thing is that I'm not that stressed, but somehow I don't like that either. Ughh, life is just such a mess right now. I'm just thinking way to too much and I'm thinking in circles. Why can't I just let things be and enjoy my life day by day? Ok, this is really frustrating me. I'm gonna go to bed cause tomorrow is another day. Hopefully a better one. :/

"Seeking traces of the mind
is like looking for footprints of birds flying in the sky.
They cannot be found,
though intangible karmic imprints exist.

Likewise, when we pass through life,
may we leave no unnecessary traces,
no trail of mental or physical destruction;
only good karmic imprints."

~The Daily Enlightment

Lot of feelings

Jealous, sad, happy, weird, lonely. My feelings are really messed up this morning. I did have a blast last night with all of my friends but for some reason I feel like I'm losing touch with a lot of them and I miss them. At the same time I just feel old. I'm only two years older than all of the freshmen but still. For some weird reason a lot of them just really annoy me. Which is not a nice thing to say or feel, but I do. There have just been a lot of changes since I first got to Tech. I remember hanging out with the same group of friends all the time and now I'm just meeting all these new people, which I don't mind. But I always hang out with a different group and through that I feel as if I'm losing touch with a lot of my old good friends and I frankly don't like it. It just makes me sad. I can't exactly define why. Ok, time to put on a happy face and get ready for the game.

Pondering....

I almost forgot to read my daily reflection today which would have been bad because today is such a great one.

When we begin questioning about our existence,
perhaps the question to begin with is -
"Do we exist at all in the first place?"

Our existential crisis,
or suffering from not understanding our existence,
begins from grasping to the illusion that we exist.

What are we...
but a collection of shifting feelings, perceptions,
mental formations and consciousnesses...
in a body of constantly changing elements?

If there is no real self, who is the questioner?

~ The Daily Enlightment

Isn't this just a great quote to reflect upon, to think about? It really does make you wonder if there is a self or if we are just a small part of something bigger after all. But what really defines existence in the first place?....

Whiter than the stones
of Stone Mountain—
autumn wind.
~BASHO

And another great short but poetic quote. I love quotes, they make you stop and think or sometime they just explain a complex situtation with a just a few words. My favorite one for this week is simply

You existence is enough to make at least one person happy.

I don't know who said that one, but it is so true. But then you got to question again if we really exist after all. :) Maybe I should ask a philosophy major on this one. ;)

BTW girls I love y'all. You are my bestest friends ever and y'all make college so much fun. :)

Content

I'm sitting here talking to Laura about how we are gonna get her telegrams delivered. We need some hot boy on a horse or motorcycle. I know that this sounds random, but since Laura's phone doesn't work anymore and her internet was down for the weekend. Lib, Laura and I returned to old school communication. Lib and I sent Laura a letter Sunday night to invite her to watch a movie with us. We even sealed it with wax. It was great. She got that letter today. Now our telegram boy idea isn't working too well. So if any guys are interested in this job just give us a call actually even better deliver us a telegram. :) Otherwise I'm just really content just sitting here listening to the thunderstorm. I have tons of things to do, but I'm not really worried about it. I think this semester is going to be my slacking semester. Anyway, life is just great, I'm so thankful for all my wonderful friends and I love them all so much. And now it's bed time. Guts Naechtle

As always stressed

So yesterday was all chill. I went to class and then just to the mall, climbing and walking with Laura. Then this morning it hit me. I looked at my to do list and almost wanted to cry. I'm gonna be pretty busy for the next 2 weeks. I guess I'll see everyone in two weeks then. J/k, I'll be around just really stressed. Ok, gotta do my physics hw.

Weird Mood

It's probably because I'm tired and I'm listening to Fiona Apple but I'm in a strange mood today. Talking to Burns about religion last night definitely made me realize again that I'm just beginning with my journey and I hate that. It makes me feel like I haven't accomplished anything and it just simply makes me unhappy and empty. It also doesn't help that a lot of my friends seem to be stressed and unhappy right now and since I care about them, it makes me feel bad as well. Honestly right now know I just want to go hug all of my friends and tell them how much they mean to me. I feel like I don't do that enough but I should and a lot of them probably don't know how much I care and that think about them day and night and hope that they will be happy. Ok, this is causing me to be in an even weirder mood. Something positive for day, today is the Day of German Unity :)

Realise this -
such a simple thing
as easing yourself at the loo,
you have to do by yourself.
No one can do it for you.
Much more you have to do,
by yourself,
to release yourself,
totally,
from all unease.

The Truth is what you know. If you do not know it, you only choose to believe in something that might, or might not be the Truth. Be without choosing. Why play the guessing game? A correct guessing is still only a guessing. To be Enlightened is to be "choicelessly knowing," with no alternative knowledge or doubt. Be in the light. Know the Truth. Don't just agree with the Enlightened; become Enlightened

Failed Thermo Exam

So it did fail that thermo 2 exam. I got a grand total of 68. Isn't that great. Actually not this just means I have to work my butt of to get a decent grade. I'm shooting for a B. We'll see what happens. Otherwise life is great again. I'm not too stressed. This weekend should be fun. I haven't really decided if I'm going to Clovis or not cause I would only be there for a day. We'll see. Ok, gotta do more hw. Later