My mom rocks my socks off

Today has been a soso day but then my mom totally made my day. She actually sent me a care packet with a bunch of German food including chocolate which I needed desperately because my supply was running low. My mom is simply the greatest. Funny part is my mom also knows my cooking habits, because she even send me cooking instructions. I'm really not that bad of a cook. Anyways I gotta get back to tons of stuff that I have to get done before conference. I will be leaving at 4 on Wednesday to go to the National Society of Women Engineers Conference in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. It is gonna be freezing but it will be tons of fun. I'll be back late Sunday. Since my phone isn't nationwide, I'll talk to everyone when I get back. Oh and thanks to all of my awesome friends that left comments in response to my last post and the ones that didn't. I love y'all bunches. Laters...

Life and death are of supreme
importance.
Time swiftly passes by and opportunity
is lost.
Each of us should strive to awaken.
Awaken. Take heed, do not squander
your life.
~EVENING CHANT

Bad Bad Day

It all started last night as I was about to go to sleep. I was not in a very good mood and felt quite unhappy. I thought to myself, just go to sleep, tomorrow is another day and you'll feel better just as always. And then it hit me that to be honest I haven't been that happy in a while. I always thought I was but when I really think about it I'm not. I know this sounds really depressing, but the positive thing is I know why I'm unhappy. For one there is a certain feeling I have to get rid off and two the all to common spiritual void. One is gonna be tough and two is gonna be even thougher. I know that finding God is not an easy thing to do, but it is still easier in this environment with a lot of people that think the same way and can help you out. Struggling through this by yourself just makes it so much thougher. I know that's not an excuse, but I just wish somebody would be here to help me with this. It is just gonna take a whole lot of determination and right now I'm simply lacking that. I have been such a slacker this semester. I'm somehow not motivated at all. The good thing is that I'm not that stressed, but somehow I don't like that either. Ughh, life is just such a mess right now. I'm just thinking way to too much and I'm thinking in circles. Why can't I just let things be and enjoy my life day by day? Ok, this is really frustrating me. I'm gonna go to bed cause tomorrow is another day. Hopefully a better one. :/

"Seeking traces of the mind
is like looking for footprints of birds flying in the sky.
They cannot be found,
though intangible karmic imprints exist.

Likewise, when we pass through life,
may we leave no unnecessary traces,
no trail of mental or physical destruction;
only good karmic imprints."

~The Daily Enlightment

Lot of feelings

Jealous, sad, happy, weird, lonely. My feelings are really messed up this morning. I did have a blast last night with all of my friends but for some reason I feel like I'm losing touch with a lot of them and I miss them. At the same time I just feel old. I'm only two years older than all of the freshmen but still. For some weird reason a lot of them just really annoy me. Which is not a nice thing to say or feel, but I do. There have just been a lot of changes since I first got to Tech. I remember hanging out with the same group of friends all the time and now I'm just meeting all these new people, which I don't mind. But I always hang out with a different group and through that I feel as if I'm losing touch with a lot of my old good friends and I frankly don't like it. It just makes me sad. I can't exactly define why. Ok, time to put on a happy face and get ready for the game.

Pondering....

I almost forgot to read my daily reflection today which would have been bad because today is such a great one.

When we begin questioning about our existence,
perhaps the question to begin with is -
"Do we exist at all in the first place?"

Our existential crisis,
or suffering from not understanding our existence,
begins from grasping to the illusion that we exist.

What are we...
but a collection of shifting feelings, perceptions,
mental formations and consciousnesses...
in a body of constantly changing elements?

If there is no real self, who is the questioner?

~ The Daily Enlightment

Isn't this just a great quote to reflect upon, to think about? It really does make you wonder if there is a self or if we are just a small part of something bigger after all. But what really defines existence in the first place?....

Whiter than the stones
of Stone Mountain—
autumn wind.
~BASHO

And another great short but poetic quote. I love quotes, they make you stop and think or sometime they just explain a complex situtation with a just a few words. My favorite one for this week is simply

You existence is enough to make at least one person happy.

I don't know who said that one, but it is so true. But then you got to question again if we really exist after all. :) Maybe I should ask a philosophy major on this one. ;)

BTW girls I love y'all. You are my bestest friends ever and y'all make college so much fun. :)

Content

I'm sitting here talking to Laura about how we are gonna get her telegrams delivered. We need some hot boy on a horse or motorcycle. I know that this sounds random, but since Laura's phone doesn't work anymore and her internet was down for the weekend. Lib, Laura and I returned to old school communication. Lib and I sent Laura a letter Sunday night to invite her to watch a movie with us. We even sealed it with wax. It was great. She got that letter today. Now our telegram boy idea isn't working too well. So if any guys are interested in this job just give us a call actually even better deliver us a telegram. :) Otherwise I'm just really content just sitting here listening to the thunderstorm. I have tons of things to do, but I'm not really worried about it. I think this semester is going to be my slacking semester. Anyway, life is just great, I'm so thankful for all my wonderful friends and I love them all so much. And now it's bed time. Guts Naechtle

As always stressed

So yesterday was all chill. I went to class and then just to the mall, climbing and walking with Laura. Then this morning it hit me. I looked at my to do list and almost wanted to cry. I'm gonna be pretty busy for the next 2 weeks. I guess I'll see everyone in two weeks then. J/k, I'll be around just really stressed. Ok, gotta do my physics hw.

Weird Mood

It's probably because I'm tired and I'm listening to Fiona Apple but I'm in a strange mood today. Talking to Burns about religion last night definitely made me realize again that I'm just beginning with my journey and I hate that. It makes me feel like I haven't accomplished anything and it just simply makes me unhappy and empty. It also doesn't help that a lot of my friends seem to be stressed and unhappy right now and since I care about them, it makes me feel bad as well. Honestly right now know I just want to go hug all of my friends and tell them how much they mean to me. I feel like I don't do that enough but I should and a lot of them probably don't know how much I care and that think about them day and night and hope that they will be happy. Ok, this is causing me to be in an even weirder mood. Something positive for day, today is the Day of German Unity :)

Realise this -
such a simple thing
as easing yourself at the loo,
you have to do by yourself.
No one can do it for you.
Much more you have to do,
by yourself,
to release yourself,
totally,
from all unease.

The Truth is what you know. If you do not know it, you only choose to believe in something that might, or might not be the Truth. Be without choosing. Why play the guessing game? A correct guessing is still only a guessing. To be Enlightened is to be "choicelessly knowing," with no alternative knowledge or doubt. Be in the light. Know the Truth. Don't just agree with the Enlightened; become Enlightened

Failed Thermo Exam

So it did fail that thermo 2 exam. I got a grand total of 68. Isn't that great. Actually not this just means I have to work my butt of to get a decent grade. I'm shooting for a B. We'll see what happens. Otherwise life is great again. I'm not too stressed. This weekend should be fun. I haven't really decided if I'm going to Clovis or not cause I would only be there for a day. We'll see. Ok, gotta do more hw. Later

Stressed

Stressed....if you want to know why ask Laura cause I just vented to her majorly. Thanks Laura for being an awesome friend. Venting helps so much. I was gonna write this hugh entry about being stressed and all, but know I don't even know what to write about. I just started organizing and writing tons of to do lists etc. and now I'm fine I feel like I'm in control again, which is stupid because nobody is ever really in control of anything. But that's me... a control freak and I stress to easily. Only cure for that is listening to Enya and know that everything is going to be alright. Ok, back to my to do lists. Btw caring to much about a person can hurt.

Psalm 73
23 Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory

This is the verse I had picked for my confirmation about 7 years ago. I don't know what to think about it or if I even want to think about it. I have changed so much since then, since I left Germany and I'm not even there yet wherever I'm going. Ok, I'm confusing the crap out of myself. I like the following more.

A Zen saying says,
"When the Mind TRIES, the consciousness flickers."

Yoda, the Jedi Master from "Star Wars" says,
"Do or not do - there is no TRY."

Morpheus, Neo's trainer in "The Matrix" says,
"Stop TRYING to hit me and hit me!"

Stonepeace says,
"Hold something and TRY to drop it. Can you?"
"TRY not to think about a pink elephant. Can you?"

Zeph says,
"TRYING is the uncertainty,
the fickleness of the heart,
the half-heartedness of intention.
No one became enlightened by trying.
You have to be wholehearted to attain it."


Aaahhhh, my desk is covered in post-its. How am I gonna get this done?

So true!

There is essentially nothing out there,
or here,
that is boring.

There are no boring times and places,
no boring people,
no boring books,
no boring movies,
no boring songs,
and no boring poems...
not even this one,
no matter how dry this might seem.

There is only the bored state of mind -
that fails to mindfully appreciate,
to enjoy...
this moment,
no matter what it presents.

The bored mind yearns to get away,
to an ever elusive better time and place,
that is always somewhere else,
that is always missing here.

Don't kill boredom.
Don't kill time.
Don't kill the moments of your life.
Realise the richness of now - now.

~The Daily Enlightment

Computer :)

I finally got my computer back. Wohoo. And I still have all of my data. Double Wohoo. Ok, I really gotta get back to this physics hw. So I'm just gonna ask one question. What's the deal with people skipping classes all the time? Classes are the reason you are here for in the first place. I just don't understand it. Oh btw I love discussions about religion with my roomies. It's great. :)

Believe nothing, O monks, merely because you have
been told it . . . or because it is traditional, or because
you yourselves have imagined it. Do not believe what
your teacher tells you merely out of respect for the
teacher. But whatsoever, after due examination and
analysis, you find to be conducive to the good, the
benefit, the welfare of all beings—that doctrine believe
and cling to, and take it as your guide.
~THE BUDDHA

Out of the loop

I know that I have been rather busy over the last week and I didn't hung out much with people, but it is amazing how much out of the loop you can become in one week. Since I'm a rather curious person I hate being out of the loop and not knowing what's going on. I know that some of it is y'all business but I still want to know. ;)I hate it when people don't talk to me. It makes me feel as if I'm not worth talking too. Anyway that's my ranting for today and I better head back to my car and try to get out of this campus after an awesome game and btw my computer is getting fixed, the motherboard was broken and they are gonna reinstall windows, which means I will loose my data, which is just magnificient. :)

Thermo

Thermo sucks. Somebody should just kill my teacher. That test was just totally unfair. I'm gonna be surprised if I made more than a 50 on that. Ok, done raging cause I'm not really good at this. I'm more likely to start crying anyway than start yelling once I get that exam back on Tuesday. Ok, that was the negative thing of today. Otherwise I just had a long day of classes and meetings. I was kinda in a weird mood today. It was the I don't know if I should be upset or happy moods. I guess a lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm once again stuck concering my spiritual life. I really gotta work on that, but it's always tough once you are stuck in the day to day routine and just being busy with tons of stuff. Ok, enough about that, the positive things for today. Awesome, absolutly gorgous Lubbock sunset tonite, my computer is actually getting fixed, so it shouldn't be too long til i get it back....hopefully.My car doesn't seem to have any damage from my encounter with the concrete block and the weekend is here. Wohoo :) Just a couple of quotes to think about.

When one tugs at a
single thing in nature,
he finds it attached to
the rest of the world.
~JOHN MUIR

When you try to understand
everything, you will not
understand anything. The
best way is to understand
yourself, and then you will
understand everything.
~SHUNRYU SUZUKI

In these words I can
sum up everything
I’ve learned about life:
It goes on.
~ROBERT FROST

Long Post About Basically Nothing

Sitting in the ME computer lab doing tons of stuff on the computer which I can't do at home since my comp is still being fixed. Anyways since Saturday a lot of stuff happened and I guess since I have nothing better to do I'll tell y'all about my life, so nothing really thoughtful except that crushes suck.
Saturday night I finally went over to Jillie's and Lib's house to hang out with their roommates etc. It was fun except that I'm absolutely horrible at MarioCart.
Sunday I just chilled, had cinnamon rolls in the morning and then ran tons of errands. I finally got a shelf for the kitchen so that we don't have to store our food on the dryer anymore and I also got a bunch of flowers for planters on our front porch. We'll see how long those will last because I'm lacking the green thumb.
Monday I went to class did homework and then went to Women in Climbing. And yes there is waaaay to many people at the wall. No offense to the newbies, but having a little less people is more relaxing. After that I hypothetically asked what would happen if we would drop Jason's Nalgene from the third floor of the rec down the staircase all the way to the bottom. The hypothetical answer would be that it doesn't break because Nalgenes are unbreakable. The actually answer is more like the bottom broke out of the Nalgene. But it gets even better. After that I almost broke my car by actually driving over a concrete divider in the rec parking lot. My Neon totally didn't like that guessing from the scraping noises. But I have an excuse I was talking to Laura on the phone and I can't multitask so I was distracted. Then it was a fun night with the girls driving around town and Lib freaking out :)
Tuesday I didn't do too much just going to class and stuff and then getting about 3 emergency phone calls after my materials class at five. So I totally freaked and stressed out and my mood got gradually worse and worse and it doesn't help when people keep on talking to you and messing with you and annoying the crap out of you. But it was all good when I went climbing that evening. Climbing just relaxes me a whole lot.
Today I just studied for my thermo exam and I'm about to go to Bahama Bucks with my awesome roomie Julie. Wow this is a long post about basically nothing. I do promise a very emotional and raging post after my thermo test tomorrow. I hate that class. Anyway my fingers are about to freeze of since it's winter in the ME lab. :)

Stupid Computer

At the library again because my computer sucks. It won't boot at all. So I'm gonna have to fix that which will take a while. But you know there is always the cell so if you wanna talk to me call....now. Otherwise life is just great. I had a blast hanging with all my old buddies yesterday. Hung out with my girls on Thursday. School is not too stressy and life is just great...except for a couple of small things that just dissappoint you and make you simply sad. Anyways, i gotta try to fix my computer. Later :)

Social Security Number

Wohoo, I finally have my own social security number. I haven't memorized it yet, but now I can finally do what I couldn't do before, like tell people what my SSN is when they ask for it and stuff. BTW sorry guys this means that I don't need plan B anymore. I'm so excited, my very own SSN. I can't believe it. Wohoooooooo... :)

Climbing

AWESOME trip this weekend. I forgot how much I missed being outdoors and climbing and sitting around the campfire just goofing off. I actually climbed my first lead climbs this time and it felt so good. Scary but good. And all the new members are so much fun s and my old buddies are even more fun and I'm just totally excited about this semester. Wohoo. Except for some car trouble again, this trip was AWESOME. Ok nighty night.

Smoothie King

Raspberry Sunrise from Smoothie King. Geez, i love that smoothie. Hopefully they are gonna be done with the Smoothie King on 19th and Memphis pretty soon. Life is just so great. Especially girls nights. Geez, I love those too. I'm totally excited about climbing this weekend. Ok, gotta do some more hw before I leave. Later

Not cool at all

It's only the third day of school and I already don't know how I'm going to be able to finish everything in such little time. I miss everybody, I have a stomach ache and I feel strangely lonely. Finishing this thermo hw and getting some sleep is probably gonna make me be a little more positive...hopefully. This weekend should be fun though. Cause I love climbing outdoors and I have missed it so much over the summer. But I already made the decision not to go out climbing every single weekend because otherwise I'm gonna go nuts...seriously. Enough complaining, I'm gonna finish this hw and then go to bed.

Climbing Club

Wow, wow and wow. We had such a massive turnout for our climbing club meeting tonite it was insane. Three times as many people showed up for this meeting than normally. It was crazy. The wall is always packed as well. I'm kinda hoping that not as many people show up anymore. It makes it more fun. But the Datil trip this weekend is gonna be fun, especially since I get to try out my new sleeping bag. :)

I also changed my blog because the sunflowers dissappeared on the other one and I could never figure out where they went. So I just got a new template even though I really liked the sunflowers. Oh well...

Otherwise nothing much is going on. Classes are like usual and I'm getting back into the school routine. I do like it but at the same time I wish it was summer again. It's only been 2 days and I already miss all my friends I hung out with the last two weeks. That's probably because I never call. I should just start calling people on the way to class cause all I do is walk anyways. Yes I should most definitely do that, because this last weekend at the lake I realized how much my friends really mean to me. And not just my friends I went to the Lake with but all my SWE girls, my climbing buddies etc. There is just so little time to hang out and see all of them. Oh well, it's hw time.